Experimentation: Experimentation is defined as a "one time event". Once intoxication is experienced, the experiment is over. It is not a phase at all…

Misuse: Misuse is characterized as infrequent use for the purpose of intoxication. The misuser's are those who do not have a pattern of weekend or weekday use, but use on social occasions such as Dances, work functions, "Spring Break", weddings, Supper Bowl Sunday, "420", Halloween, Graduation, New Year's, Etc. If consequences occur for these individuals because of their drug use, they quit. They don't try to manipulate drug tests, or lie to cover up their use, they just simply quit. These individuals do not yet have an emotional relationship to intoxication.

Substance Abuse: Substance Abuse is characterized by a pattern of use such as weekends or during the week. It is also using despite negative consequences. Using despite negative consequences is the result of a pathological relationship to intoxication. The pathological relationship is an emotional illness.

The emotional illness of substance abuse has many components:
1., The drug use circumvents the user from developing their own internal skills to identify, express and cope with emotions. This leads to an over reliance on the chemicals to cope with emotions, i.e., boredom, anxiety, stress, depression, etc. (contd.)

2. The drug use distorts the user's emotions. We feel pain when we touch a hot stove so that we don't burn ourselves to death. It is a built-in biological safe guard for physical survival. We also have a safe guard for our emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival. If we go out to rob someone we feel anxiety, guilt and shame. Those feelings are our barometers letting us know that what we are about to do is not healthy for us. However, in the stage of substance abuse and addiction, the user loses that barometer and starts to engage in lying, conning, manipulating, and even stealing with an increasingly carefree attitude.

3., Values change: As the relationship to intoxication increases, it becomes more important than work, family, school, straight friends, sports or other activities. And during this process, the user see's the change not because of the use, but because of everyone else i.e., " My wife overreacts…" or "my parents are tripping…".

4., An emotionally trusting relationship with the drug occurs as a result of 1 -3. The user protects their relationship to intoxication from anyone or system that tries to intervene.

The final stage of use is Addiction.
The terms addiction, chemical dependency and alcoholism can all be used interchangeably. The terms simply describe a person's relationship (biological, psychological , and social) to intoxication. If a person is addicted to one drug, then they are addicted to drugs and alcohol altogether. The name of the chemical is only an illusion at this point.

The symptoms of addiction are: preoccupation, using despite negative consequences and loss of control.
Preoccupation occurs when the user is preoccupied with getting drugs, paying for drugs, and protecting drugs.

Using despite consequences occurs when a person experiences a consequence from their chemical use and they continue to use despite that.

Finally, loss of control occurs when a person sets limits on the amount of drugs they are going to use, and then they find themselves going beyond that limit. For example, buying a bag of marijuana and telling themselves that they are going to make it last all week, but it only last the weekend. Or going to parties and telling themselves that they are only going to have 2 beers, but then finding themselves drinking well beyond that.
In the last newsletter we already talked about this as a biological disease, so we won't get in to that in this article except to say that addiction is because of biology. Genetics is the number one predictor to determine if a person is going to have addiction.
The age of first intoxication is the second most reliable predictor to determine if a person is going to have addiction. Finally, addiction is a Progressive Disease which only gets worse over time according to the American Medical Association in 1956…

How is Your Recovery from Enabling?

Last month we explored recovery from "enabling" as it applied to parents with their child who uses drugs. This month we will take a look at examples of "enabling" that occurs between spouses or significant others.

Do you Rescue by:
$ Making excuses to your spouses boss for missed days
$ Finding yourself taking on more than your share of the household responsibilities
$ Lying to family members to cover up for his/her drinking

Are you Stuffing Feelingsby:
$ Not showing or expressing your hurt or disappointment
$ Not letting him/her see how angry you are
$ Misdirecting your feeling about him/her at other family members such as children

Do you still Tolerate intolerable behaviors:
$ Not calling when he/she will be late
$ Not coming home all night
$ Ignoring growing levels of verbal and emotional abuse
If you are presently engaging in any of these behaviors or similar ones, please refer to the book, Co-dependent No More, or speak with your counselor.